Ban it, I say, ban it. Ban it. Ban the bikini. Now before all of you go getting your knickers all bunched up and in a twist, let me provide you with a full and detailed explanation.

Bikini underwear for men. That's all I'm talking about. I say let the women's variety alone; they're the ones who must deal with all the issues surrounding those things. Dogmatic statement of the month: men should not choose to wear bikini underwear in the public (Wearing bikini underwear in public? What's that all about? Perhaps there are deeper issues that need addressing here) or private arena. Ban them. Ban the bikini underwear.

Let me give you some what fors. First of all, you wear a bikini to show off a well-toned body (or it should be one of the top three). But remember, these are bikini underwear. Gentlemen, if you have a well-toned body, particularly below the waist, why not just wear briefs or boxers like the rest of us? I know, I know, you definitely do not want to be like the rest of us. Therefore, you're deliberately choosing to wear something that would make you stand out in a crowd. Then again, in private settings, why bother?

I suppose you could make a case for bikini swimwear, albeit a weak one at best. That would be a way you could parade around showing off your well-defined body. Ah, big deal. Who needs it?

Secondly, bikini underwear serve no utilitarian purpose other than to put extra dollars into retailers' pockets. What can you do with bikini underwear that you can't with briefs or boxers? What would you want to do differently? I know, it's not my money and you can spend it where you please but unless you can tell me why you might wear them I won't buy what you're trying to sell.

Lastly, why do you want to subject yourself to humiliation in the locker rooms of the world? Why would you think wearing bikini undergarments would make you stand out in a locker room? Do you really think that by wearing bikini undershorts you can hide your beer gut, balding head, and your gray hair (or what's left of it)? No? Wait a minute, you're not like me, are you? Never mind. Wear what you want. On second thought, don't.

Please don't get me started on thong underwear!

Men's boxer-type undergarments come in a variety of shapes and sizes as you well know. Maybe you don't know. Boxers, the underwear, resemble the trunks that fighting boxers typically wear, therefore the name.

What men wear and what fighting boxers wear are very different. First, style. The style of boxer trunks are much longer, often touching or going below the knee (and this style for fighting boxers has changed over the years-think Muhammad Ali with mid-thigh trunks). These trunks are very loose and baggy. They need to be so that boxers can move around freely. On the other hand, the undergarments that men might wear only go down to the middle of the thigh or even less than that. The boxer underwear are loose (though not as loose as Boxer trunks). Boxer underwear are intentionally designed to be loose and unobtrusive.

One requirement that boxers (the sportsmen) have is the need for their shorts to stay on their hips during a long match. The shorts cannot even sag or slip over the waist even a little. The boxing shorts are therefore reinforced at the hip with heavy elastic or a tie-string. Boxer-style underwear, on the other hand, rarely use a tiestring to hold them up. Instead those shorts rely on heavy elastic, a comfort designed specifically for the shorts.

The one similarity I have seen between what fighting boxers wear and what you and I wear is that they are made from many types of material: mainly, silk, cotton, or a combination of the two often. Silk is a very romantic material for men to wear. I would say that it appeals more to the women who let their mates wear them. It's nice to the touch.

On a quick sidenote, I have also seen boxer shorts made from a fishnet type of material. I suspect the Boxing world has pretty much rejected that impractical material because then it would show the protective gear that boxers wear during a match. Mesh/Fishnet material for boxer shorts are found in novelty stores.

Obviously those types of boxers are not for comfort or utilitarian usages; they're for romance and all that entails.

So, in summary, boxer shorts are similar to what Boxers are in physical material (especially silk and cotton) but differ in length and what holds the shorts up. Another major difference is the cost for each: boxing shorts are much more expensive than underwear boxers. Specialty boxers, though, can be more costly, but may very well be worth the expense.

Writing about a topic such as briefs puts me at great risk because the topic can turn embarrassing or risque in short order. Likewise, the dialogue could end up turning out sleezy or raunchy quickly. My intention is to make this a PG13-rated article for the benefit of the younger readers on the site.

I grew up wearing briefs as underwear. My family never even thought of buying anything other. Back in the day you could purchase packets of six for really cheap. I'm not sure you could say that about boxer shorts back then.

To be fair, boxer shorts have taken on greater significance in our culture and in the world over the past fifteen years. I may not even been able to buy boxers when I was growing up.

When perhaps the world's best basketball player, Michael Jordan, advertised for a major underwear retailer, the briefs and boxers debate rages on. And we still don't know what type he uses. "Don't even go there," was his response in the Jockey commercial.

I think that briefs underwear is/are for the common man. Guys buy them because they are not expensive. I cannot emphasize enough the fact that briefs are inexpensive because you can buy them in bulk, in packs of 4, 6, and 10. And I think they're also cheap because they generally come in one of a few colors, white being the standard.

Of course, the brands of briefs that men choose matter a great deal too. Hanes, Jockey, and Fruit of the Loom seem to dominate the retail underwear line. The Superstores display their brands of briefs. Those briefs tend to be cheaper in quality than Hanes, Fruit of the Loom, and Jockey.

In any event, I favor briefs. There I said it. Yes, briefs are cheaper but they tend to be less cumbersome and intrusive. It's a bit awkward to switch after such a long time; not impossible, but awkward.

The debate has been going on forever it seems, boxers or briefs, briefs or boxers. There's really not been a definitive answer as to which is better or greater.

The time for being wishy-washy or sitting on the fence and waffling over which is the better style of men's undergarments is finished. The choice is today and you need to make it. Today, not tomorrow, but today. The fate of a debate free republic rests on your rapid response.

So, which is it, my friend, briefs of boxers? It's really not rocket science or brain surgery, is it? It's 50/50 one way or another, win lose or draw. But you must make a choice. You've got to do it.

Men will have their responses and women will have theirs. The reasoning will be very different for both.

Men will choose comfort over looks; women will choose how it looks over how it feels because quite frankly, they don't normally wear them.

Then again, women have their own comfort zone when it comes to boxers and briefs, don't they? They have a three-way choice between bikinis, briefs, or long cut or whatever the standard is in women's undergarments. I don't linger in the women's department of stores very often. If I'm getting something for my spouse, it's targeted and quick. No dilly-dallying. No lounging around.

But, purchasing women's undergarments is not what this debate is about. The online poll you're a part of is a single solitary question. If you're a man, one question. If you're a woman, it's the exact same question.

You will be one in six million people around the world who vote on this issue. That's the number I am shooting for before the poll closes. Fortunately, you will have a say in the matter and it will be heard. Please don't take this responsibility lightly. And yet, all you Chicagoans, don't vote early and often.

A number of individuals will be checking back at this same site regularly; and I think you should too. People will want to nab their friends (both men and women) to get in on this debate; and I think you should too. I said earlier that the fate of a free republic rests on your rapid response. Perhaps I didn't state it clearly enough: the fate of the known world rests on the final outcome.